Catherine Kinsella

mood: sick

music: Push up on me - Rihanna

I feel so gross right now.. I have such bad eating habits. In the past week.. I've eaten out 5 times! That's seriously so gross, and it's not going to happen again. I don't care how good the food is, or how other people are eating it. Its GROSS. I feel so disgusting and .. dirty. I feel like I have to throw up so badly. I want to loose 35 pounds in 7 months and 20 days. I may try fasting tomorrow.. see how that works out for me. I'm also going to be exercising from 10 -2 (volleyball/basketball .. back to back) hopefully that will whip me into the mind frame. I hate looking at myself.. I mean, I'm not a ugly girl.. it's just I hate how almost all of my friends are SUPER skinny and gorgeos.Maybe if I was skinnier, Nathan would want me back... I know that sounds horrible. But I guess that's my motivation.

He will want me back, if only I were 35 pounds skinnier.

Tags: fat, skinnier

Posted at 08:42 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: gloomy

music: bubbly - colbie coliat

I guess you could say that the only reason I'm writing here is because I dont really want my "real friends" to know exactly how I'm feeling. Some say that makes me secretive.. but I just think that says I like to keep somethings between me and the people I barly know. I guess it's easier to talk to you guys about this kinda stuff, because A) your are unbiased & B) my guess is that somewhere out there.. someone is dealing with the exact same thing.

Before I let you all in on the low down of this past month.. I should let you know a few minor details about what has happened so far in my junior high/high school experiances.

In grade 7, almost 3 years ago, I met a guy\Nathan. We went out for the summer, but at the end of October I broke up with him for my ex... Lucas. I know, I know.. bad mistake. It didn't turn out well.. Me and Nathan, never spoke after that untill the end of Grade nine.. two days away from what could've been our two year anniversary.

Now I know what most of you are probabley thinking.. but even though we were in grade seven.. it wasn't like that at all.. It was something so different.

So anyways.. we started to hang out again, and talk alot. We would chill at his house, and lay with each other watching the Price is Right and other stupid shows. I knew that it was starting again.

I never had really gotten over Nathan.. and I was so stoked about it. We did a lot that summer, but it all ended the beggining of Augest. We went to my bestfriend Peyton's cabin, me, Nathan, Lucas, Rachel(his new girlfriend) Haley, Peyton, Julie, Nicole, & Wes & Rebecca... And thats when it went downhill.. I guess he started to fall for one of my closee friends Rebecca.. who was a year younger. He was acting werid all weekend.. and not normal. I hated that fact.. spending 3 days, sleeping in the same bed, doing everything together.. but not being normal. When we got back.. just before I was going to my friends house he told me.. that he had fallen out of love with me.. Now if you haven't had the "pleasure" of beeing on the recieving end of one of these conversations.. then I should let you know i was crushed. I mean i still am. I just can't figure out how to get over him. I've tried the whole new boy thing.. but every guy I look at .. I compare to him.. but there's no comparison..

Posted at 05:53 pm | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend